Love within a Diary
by the-acolyte
Summary: for hopeless romantic people out there! this fic is for you :) seiftis every story has an end...final chappie uploaded!
1. chapter 1

Chapter 1

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**_****Quistis POV**** _**

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Since the first time gazes locked she knew -- the tiny flutter of her heart skips a beat from his intimate stare, knots form deep in the pit of her stomach from the very idea of him walking her way – she had always known it was him and no one else that could win her heart.

_But you've never breathed a word of your feelings to this day. _

_You've called yourself a coward time and again while keeping a safe distance from him, knowing all along there would be a time, a place, when you'd speak your hearts secret. _

This evening when she arrive, prompted by an invitation of gathered friends, she thought, "_perhaps tonight….", _even though the coward within speaks through uncertain rejection, "_perhaps never"_.

Shown in by a caterer, she was told to make herself comfortable since the host is still preparing for that certain evening.

Her wandering takes her to a study filled with books and an oversized desk flooded with hues of sunset from a nearby picturesque window. Like a magnet she was drawn to it, relishing the little hints of discovery that await.

With mild curiosity she glance over a few classics that litter around his desk -- leather-bound volumes that are picked up one by one. Romeo and Juliet ... Oliver Twist … A Tale of Two Cities … A—"_What is this?"_ she silently muss, as she handle the leather volume void of a title.

Slowly opening a page at random her eyes fall upon hand written words ... her hand trembles slightly ... it was…._his diary_...

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**_And she begin to read..._**

_"... I sit here and begin to think about her. How I wish she were here right now. How relieved I was to hear her say she could see the true romantic in me. If only she knew how I feel about her, but I do not have the courage to tell her. So I try to put my feelings on paper, then if ever I have the strength I will give it to her. For the first time in ages words are a riddle instead of a rhyme._

_Never before has it been so hard for me to write about something so precious. Searching for the right words, language, or phrase. All the words I've used before will never do, because they're mere grains of sand compared to the beauty she possesses. _

_I can not think of any one word that could describe her, because when I say she is beautiful I mean she is more beautiful than the first ray of sunshine that glistens off the drops of morning dew that fall from a leaf on an early spring morning day in the high mountains of my memories. _

_ More beautiful than the last glimpse of sunlight that shimmers off the ocean as a small boat sails towards the sunset off the coast of Italy, in my dreams._

_As I search through the memories in my mind I began to think; "What is the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced in my life?" It was something that I encountered last year._

_I woke up and started to walk out the front door of my cabin in the middle of June, only to find it was starting to snow. So there I was among all the elegant features of Spring with Summer merely around the next mountain, winter paying a visit to say a late good-bye until next year. _

_ There on the ground with all the wild flowers, with all their vivid colors, laid the snow. These colors stood out so much it was as if an artist painted these flowers on a pure white canvas._

_This was the most beautiful thing until I first saw her. So how do I tell her how beautiful she really is, and if I could would she believe me? Would she take me as sincere? I vow that if ever given the chance to tell her "I swear upon the heart that gives me life, that you are the true meaning of beauty."_

**_Seifer_ **

Her heart beats faster as the thought of his words touch the very depths of her soul. "This...this is how he sees me?" Quistis whisper in awe.

Carelessly her hand turns pages trying to steady racing emotions as she read his next entry...

Fellow guests already giving their leave reminding her of the late hour.

Through out the evening his lingering stare and warm smile were readily there when Quistis found herself glancing his direction, but the depth of his gaze trips her composer so many times, her colleagues began inquiring about her health.

Between the constant breathless distraction of him, and shear wonder over the discovery of his diary, Quistis was unsure how she have made it through the evening. Now if only she could manage to find a way back to his study and place his diary where it was found...

"Penny for your thoughts?"

The suddenness of Seifer's voice beside her and light touch of his hand brushing against her back sends never ending tingles of awareness. A little embarrassed at being startled, Quistis apologized awkwardly, fumbling for the perfect excuse while her mind races to take up the present opportunity.


	2. chapter 2

Chapter 2 

"Penny for your thoughts?" 

The suddenness of Seifer's voice beside her and light touch of his hand brushing against her back sends never ending tingles of awareness. A little embarrassed at being startled, Quistis apologized awkwardly, fumbling for the perfect excuse while her mind races to take up the present opportunity. 

She ask to borrow his copy of Romeo and Juliet, and he complies. Before he's able to offer to retrieve it, Quistis hastily make her way to his study hoping to set his diary back to rights. 

And there it is, still under his desk; pages open like a guilty reminder of what she had done. Ready to close the pages and place it back where it was, a poem catches her eye. 

No, these were lyrics. Words heard earlier as he strummed this very song on his guitar... 

"..._She's all I think of. The same Dream reminiscing through my mind day and night. It's always the same. _

_There she is off in the distance. The sea breeze runs through her hair and white sundress as I stand there transfixed gazing upon this masterpiece created by the greatest artist know to man. _

_She's just sitting in the sand with arms wrapped around her legs staring off into the distant span of sea. Slowly I begin to approach her with a rose in hand. _

_As I walk, every line I can possibly think of to impress her races through my head, but the only word that escapes me when I finally reach her is "Hello." I guess it's all I need say because her response was simply to reach out her hand. _

_While I help her rise, that angelic smile tugs at the recesses of my heart. Presenting her the rose, we begin walking along the beach holding hands as the suns fading rays deepen the colors of the sky, and waves continually crash at our feet. _

_For long moments we bring our pace to a stand still, watching the sun dive into the sea. She's there before me, my arms gently rounding her waist as I drop my chin to her shoulder. Inspired by this moment, the only way I can find to share the depths of what I feel is whispering sweet verses of poetry a hairs-breath close to her ear while we witness day meeting night. _

_Dinner follows our walk. Candlelight the only glow that worships the radiance of her features. Shortly after when I lead her out onto the balcony, we begin to dance, my hand in hers, my arm around her waist bringing her close so our eyes never leave the others. _

_Normally I'm careful not to let someone stare into my soul, very guarded about what they might see within the true me, but for some reason I encourage her as I gaze just as deeply into her eyes. I want her to see more then my soul. I want her to see my heart and all the passion and desire I hold there waiting for her to discover. _

_As we continued to dance I place her hand against my heartbeat in hope she feels it echo her name. It's just that moment she rests her head against my chest as she moves ever closer against me. That moment more profound then heaven on earth. _

_In my dream, the rest of the night is spent sharing our deepest thoughts by the fire. We sit sipping champagne and sharing our deepest thoughts. I tell her how I long to write the perfect song for the perfect woman, while she confesses how she longs to choreograph the perfect dance. The time fly's as we share all the little things that mean so much. And then it happens. _

_As I gaze into her eyes, the call of her soul pulls toward mine. Slowly we begin to breach distance, and time stands still once again. My hand gently approaches her face, my thumb glides across her cheek while fingers comb her hair behind her ear. My lips part as I move steadily closer. Her eyes flutter closed as her lips whisper a warm invitation. _

_And it's just about then my alarm clock goes off, or somebody yells, "Excuse me sir, your change...," and reality takes presence. _

_I'm falling in love with this woman whom I've barley exchanged words, and there's nothing I can do to stop these trails of sweet dreams. _

_Normally playing my music on the balcony takes my mind down another path, but now the illusive distraction of these dreams have even treaded through here. Today I finally gave in and composed this song: _

_A dream yet to come true_

_There we were watching the sunset, we were holding one another's hand._

_Walking slowly across the beach, as the waves were crashing on the sand. _

_As we spent time together sharing feelings, as we sat down upon the shore._

_I knew deep down inside my heart, there is nothing I wanted more. _

_It is just an other lover's dream._

_Trying so hard to make it true. _

_By showing the feelings I have for you._

_As my heart keeps ripping at the seams._

_Cause you only love me in my dreams._

_Later that night we sat at the table, close together by the candlelight._

_We started to talk about the future, and how it seemed so right._

_That night as time passed I opened up, and I gave to you the key to my heart._

_For the first time love seemed so real, and there was nothing that could tear us apart._

_It is just an other lover's dream._

_Trying so hard to make it true._

_By showing the feelings I have for you._

_As my heart keeps ripping at the seams._

_Cause you only love me in my dreams._

_And as the night came to an end, you kissed me and said goodnight._

_As I started to wave farewell, I found myself waking to a lonely sight._

_You see it was only a dream, that I shared that night with you._

_But tell me do you think that, this dream has a chance of ever coming true._

_But will it just be an other lover's dream._

_I keep on trying so hard to make it true._

_By showing the feelings I have for you._

_But my heart just keeps ripping at the seams._

_Cause you only love me in my dreams._

_After I sang this song on the balcony I was overcome with emotion. I'm not sure why, maybe because I'm wishing for the day my dream comes true, and she actually gets to hear these words._

_I pray someday she'll hear this song."_

_Seifer_

_"How can I tell your dreams come true?", Quistis whisper as her own eyes mist with emotion touched once more to the very depths of her being. _

Suddenly her eyes glimpse another page... 

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_"...I saw her last night as I laid in the dark. _

_With a lone candle burning, and thoughts of only her flooding my senses, I wondered how it would be between us if she were beside me. _

_Beginning to drift along paths of a fantasy, I dared thoughts of all the things I'd say and the many ways I'd reveal my feelings to her. I could almost trace her soft skin, hear her breath catch as I whisper words, smell her sweet hair, savor her parted lips. _

_But before I lost myself to the wonder of her, I noticed the play of shadows the candle cast. Fascinated by the trip of flickering light against the wall, I brought the candle over to my bed._

_As it flickered, the hypnotic movement entranced my thoughts, meshing fantasy and flame. So gracefully, peacefully, and beautifully did that flame burn, that my thoughts took on a new direction of how so like her it was._

_Continuing my indulgence, my attention was drawn to the way the flame flickered even more now then it had before, and I realized why. The flame fluttered like never before to the stir of my every breath, dancing to the rhythm of my heartbeat. _

_Reality suddenly became an unknown word as the flame began to consume my senses. _

_The heated flair called to me as I laid there, and slowly my hand reached out to the flame approaching it with instilled tenderness. I briefly ran my fingertips against it as it curled around my touch in a soft glow of passion, as if it felt me touching it for the first time._

_From that very first caress hot sensation ran through every nerve of my body finding the nature of every corner of my soul._

_Trailing the curves of its hallowed orb I became more intoxicated by the slow swaying flicker of each passing touch._

_Time after time I caressed its light, marveling at the passionate sway of response and the warm sensation that ran though my being. With each passing, my touch slowed to savor every single movement. _

_It wasn't enough. As both my hands brushed tender tails of longing across the hallowed orb of light, its call pulled me closer so that my stirring breath fanned its light to jump and swirl, as if it was dancing to the rhythm of love._

_Cradling my palms around the radiance of light I moved so close I could feel the heat of the flame trail across my lips. Very slowly I exhaled, letting the flame dance along trails of longing. When I next breathed, the flames heat tenderly passed through me, its warmth delving deep within my body, within my heart, and all the way to my soul._

_The next thing I remember is waking up this morning to find the flame gone. Somehow I had fallen asleep giving the flame its freedom to burn as it wished. All that remained was the melted wax and the memories of the night before. _

_I will never forget the night I was kissed by a flame."_

_Seifer_

_"Dear heaven above", Quistis breathlessly whipered. Taking deep steadying breaths to calm the wave of passionate awareness, her eyes close for a few brief moments as images flash of his touch trailing paths of tender torment along the curves of her skin and kisses intoxicate her senses. _

It feels like only seconds have passed before she hear her name spoken beyond the rooms' boundaries. 

Still kneeling on the floor behind his desk, Quistis nearly panic and hope she can't be seen from the door way. However, the soft sounds of footsteps that come closer while her name is uttered again, assures her there was enough space between the floor and his desk to make her presence known. 

Knowing at any moment she was going to have to explain her actions, her eyes catch on her friends purse a few feet away. With out time to consider the consequences, Quistis grasp the 'duffel' sized cary-all, loosen strings, and drop his diary within it. Just as Seifer comes around the desk into view, Quistis was managing to tighten purse strings while calling herself all sorts of a fool for what she had done. 

A wild array of excuses run through her mind, and blurting out a lie about a lost earring, Quistis scramble to her feet careful to avoid his eyes. 

Thankful her golden hair manages to cover-up the discovery, she quickly grab her friends purse in hand, nervously comment on the late hour, and without even saying goodbye, rush out of the room with her senses still reeling from the inner flame that his written words have stirred within her... 

Author's notes: 

Thanks for the reviews. ^-^ isn't it sort of boring? I hope its not…im not really good at script writing, as you can see, not so many dialogues ^-^ well I hope you'll enjoy reading it anyway :) 


	3. chapter 3

Chapter 3

Pacing her apartment frustrated over tonight's happenings, Quistis glance between her phone and her friend's purse.

She knows what she has to do. After all, it's only a matter of time before her friend discovers it missing, and goodness knows, total chaos will brake loose the moment that happens.

Walking over to the phone, one thought enters her mind. _"What if he answers?"_

_Who's to say he didn't think you were a total nutcase, and was counting his blessings now that things hadn't gone any further than they had because of how you acted all evening? Her conscience told her. _

_"Well you don't have time to think about it,"_ Quistis told herself. People were leaving the party now and her friend was no exception.

_ "Better to call and clue her in on where her purse was instead of causing another catastrophe in the making…sigh.." _

Punching in his phone number that was on the RSVP of the party's invitation, Quistis brace herself for the upcoming conversation.

The warm velvetness of Seifer's voice edged with concern trips across the phone line scatters butterflies in the pit of her stomach. Momentarily at a loss for words, Quistis remind herself that the situation could be worse.

_ Maybe he thinks you're a nutcase but at least he didn't catch you red handed with his diary. _

_"Now all you have to do is say something before he hangs up the phone thinking this happens to be a prank phone call" _she muttered.

Quistis begin with an apology for her rude behavior while weaving another web of deceit about mistaking her friends purse as her own.

_ "Thank goodness my purse resembled a wallet, no one was the wiser when I walked out of the door toting two purses instead of one."_she thought in relief

The warm concern in his voice turns to amused relief. After she talk to her friend about where her purse is, he's on the phone once more and asks to see her again.

Not sure if she was hearing had gone haywire, the elation of his words sink in.

_Yes_, her heart screams_, Tell him yes!_

By the time the receiver is back where it belongs, Quistis was so overjoyed words can hardly describe how her hearts filled to bursting.

Racing over to her friend's carry-all, Quistis remove the diary knowing her apartment will be the first stop her friend will make. The last thing she want her aware of is what she had been up to at the party, so she wondered where to hide the diary from sight.

Momentarily lingering to trace her fingers lovingly across the leather-bound surface, thoughts of him fill her senses.

She can't resist opening up to pages again; her heart filled with secretive endearments as she read…

_"...Life never ceases to amaze me. Just when I think I have everything figured out I get thrown a curve. For the past couple of weeks she has been the only thing on my mind. _

_Day and night I have thought about all the things I wish I could tell her. Several times I've tried to find some reason to approach her just to start a simple conversation. I'd talk about anything just to hear that sweet voice again. _

_Today I finally realized that I couldn't hide forever. This weekend was the last performance, so it was now or never. _

_I went to the theater early to be sure I'd see her before the show started. Apparently there was some work going on inside so I decided to sit outside and wait for the technical crew to finish. _

_ It was such a beautiful night, I decide to take advantage of the moment and play my guitar. I propped the exit door open and sat outside on the edge of the stairway. _

_As always I just started playing whatever was on my mind. Closing my eyes words flowed while my fingers slowly strummed sweet notes of music. _

_ I sat there and imagined what it would be like to have her there while I was playing, wondering what she would say if she knew I was singing for her and praying that someday she would know all this and more. _

_Suddenly I began singing. I must have sung that song a million times before but never to this extreme._

_Singing with more feeling then I've ever summoned before, I found that point where an artist becomes one with the song, giving life to it as my heart beat in rhythm of each note strummed. As I sang the words, _

_ "What a wicked thing to do, To make me dream of you." _

_I pulled energy from the very depth of my soul as my voice echoed off the buildings into the night. _

_Then there was silence. The only sound heard was my heartbeat pounding against my chest while I gasped for air. And then just as suddenly I heard clapping followed by a voice that was music to my ears. _

_I opened my eyes to view her standing before me, startled to find her there like a wish come true. With compliments tripping off her sweet voice about how talented I was, all I could think of doing was thank her blaming my love for music being responsible for singing the way I did. _

_We sat there on the stairs for what seemed like hours talking about how music was such an important part of our lives. She depended on music to give her the rhythm so that she could express herself as she danced. _

_ I depended on music as a way of guiding my thoughts and expressing my dreams. If she only knew that lately those dreams had been of her. _

_I didn't dare tell her that. At that moment all I wanted to do was take her hand in mine as we sat there on the stairs like two children sitting on the front porch enjoying a summer's night. _

_I just lost myself to the moment for everything it meant to me while I sat amazed that she was really talking to me. _

_Talking to her tonight was absolutely wonderful. Forgetting how nervous I was around her I just enjoyed those moments with her, better then any dream come true because it was natural. I didn't have to make up some story or search for conversation. It was just she and I and the evening. _

_How could I have known tonight would be the night, and how could I have known she'd come to me? It must have been destiny that she'd find me singing my hearts desire for her. After all this time I'm suddenly encouraged that fate is on my side. _

_Just about then the stage manager peeked out the door to let us know there was a cast call. The director went through his usual notes and comments about the show and then said that he had something to discuss. _

_ It turned out to be about the cast reception planned for this weekend. Originally scheduled to be at his house, there were problems with remodeling so there had to be an alternative somewhere else._

_Then it hit me. I could host the reception. I quickly offered my home for the reception mentioning it'd be no trouble and that I'd been waiting for an excuse to throw a get-together for some time. _

_I quickly glanced over to her and noticed that wondrous smile of hers gracing her features that shone through the depths of her beautiful eyes. _

_Had she enjoyed our conversation as much as I? Was it possible she longed to spend the evening together just like I did talking about simple pleasures just like we had this evening? _

_Only time will tell but this is the perfect chance I'd been hoping for."_

_Seifer _

The memory of that recent summer night plays again in her minds eye. His voice caressing the words of a song that drew her nearer, the stolen moments of only the two of them discovering the shared wonder the both of them felt.

Her fingers lightly skim against pages once more...

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_"...Times have been interesting lately. I've been dreaming about her again. A woman yet I don't even know her name. _

_To me she's the woman in my dreams come to protect and give me comfort. She's everything that I've ever wanted and everything I desire. _

_Through rough times she's my strength and shelter, and there when I'm at my most vulnerable and feeling very alone. _

_Tonight was no exception. I awoke from sleep like a frightened child wondering what scared me so. Maybe it was the thought of never meeting this woman in my dreams, this same woman who's become part of my life without the reality of her existence. _

_How do I make this reality? How do I make this romance that only partakes in the depths of my soul-searching dreams at night a part of my life? All these thoughts upset me so, that I decided to write them to calm me down._

_I had a dream of her again last night._

_It seemed so real and lasted through the morning light._

_I sat there helplessly as she held me with her arms._

_She protected me from all danger, from those who might harm._

_As fears crept into my soul, she pushed them all away._

_When she looked deep into my eyes, I was lost without words to say._

_I did not think that I could ever find someone, who could make me feel alive again._

_I had given up hope, lost all feeling, and started to believe I was close to the end._

_Even though I have now realized that reality is not always what it seems._

_It is my deepest wish that she would still love me in my dreams._

_She came along and touched my heart, and took away all the pain._

_I can not explain these feeling from my soul, do not remember when I felt the same._

_She brings me a special kind of romantic love._

_The kind I have always dreamed of._

_There may be things that may keep us apart._

_But know I love you with all my heart._

_If these dreams of love ever have a chance of coming true._

_I pray to whom ever may listen that they are spent with you._

_This dreams of you I have at night._

_They feel so right, when there is no light._

_It's amazing. When I first started writing, I thought I was writing about the woman in my dreams, then I began writing as if I was writing to someone I know. Someone who I know can completely change my life. _

_Could I know this woman that haunts my dreams at night? Can it be that I've met her and not even realized that the one I've always longed for is waiting for me? _

_Perhaps time will reveal this woman in my dreams, is a vision of someone I will meet in the future."_

_Seifer_

Closing her eyes she can well imagine his longings are the very same as her own.

"How many times have I wished for someone that could touch my heart?", Quistis ask herself,

"How many nights have I longed for love to find me and show me the way to be whole?"

Slowly she close his diary and hold it close against her as her heart whispers the words from the depths of her being hoping his dreams tonight will hear them,

"I love you."

The knock at the door startles her back into the present -- it has to be Rinoa.

Quickly hiding his diary from sight, Quistis open the door, and there she is, Rinoa automatically flooded her with dozens of questions about her purse and her strange behavior this evening.

Quistis want to desperately confide in her, but she avoid answers, giving her the same flippant excuses she had given Seifer.

A bit daunted, Rinoa finally gets the hint Quistis wont give details, even though she knows there's more to what Quistis was not saying.

Rinoa hands her a leather bound volume, Romeo and Juliet.

"Something you forgot that he wanted to be sure you had," she states with a touch of too much innocence, "He says it's a gift, and wrote something in there for you."

Taking the Shakespearean volume, it's only after Rinoa leaves that curiosity gets the better of Quistis, and she gently open the cover.

The same wondrous flow of his handwriting draws an emotional tug of endearment as she softly whisper the few words inscribed,

** "To a woman I thought could only exist in my dreams." **


	4. chapter 4

Chapter 4

The hours they've spent together in the quaint coffee shop were wonderful. Time passed so quickly, Quistis could have sworn her watch played tricks on her.

Talking about everything from music to poetry, the inner glimpses of himself he gives only strengthens the feelings she had harbored for the longest time.

Her conscience also weighs heavily at times, because inner guilt pushes through her thoughts urging to speak about what she had done.

Of course there never comes a right time, so when he mentions going back to his home to share some of his music, she accept, not only seeing it as the perfect opportunity to put back his diary, but hopefully give him a glimpse of her feelings as well.

It was a small miracle that opportunity struck as soon as it did.

The moment both of them walked through the door, his phone rang demanding attention. Murmuring he'd just be a minute, he casts her an apologetic stare when he retrieves it. A few seconds later he covers the mouthpiece to explain the call was about a playing engagement in one of the local places around here.

"it might be a few minutes before this conversations through, but if you want to see some songs I've written, you'll see it in my office desk. I'll join you in a little while." With a wary smile Seifer told her

Counting her blessings for this miracle, with purse still in hand, Quistis wander to his office.

With her heart pounding an anxious crescendo since she had harbored his diary in her purse all day long, the first thoughts are to find a place to put it that would look inconspicuous.

Within his desk?

_"No__, he wouldn't justify finding it so easily after he's probably looked for it. Perhaps among the other books on the shelf? It'd blend perfectly",_ she thought since some of the books there were leather bound and matched to camouflage -- a reasonable explanation why he wouldn't of found it till he came upon it.

Quistis pull out a book making room on a particular shelf. She reached for his diary to place it in that slot. With a twinge of guilt, she realize it's perfectly camouflaged as she slides it in.

''Now all I need to do is put this book on another shelf and then...''

Her words fade as a few pieces of paper flutter to the floor. The handwriting recognizable. As she reached to retrieve them, her hand trembles as the words written touched her heart, her eyes unable to ignore the wondrous words there are to read…

_"...Tonight was so amazing that I couldn't even find my journal. I've been writing in it so much that I could have left it anywhere. _

_I've woke-up in the morning thinking of her, walked down the street wondering if I'll run into her, and have sat here at this very desk wondering if she's thinking of me. _

_Tonight that all changed. _

_She was close enough to touch, and so beautiful that if I could have found the right words I would have told her. Like always she took my breath away. _

_The moments we shared alone only feed the yearning to be in her company like this all night. If only I could've found a way to avoid all the responsibilities of the party, it could have been a reality. _

_I wonder if anyone noticed how absent-minded I was the rest of the evening. I just couldn't think of anything else but how close she had been to me tonight. So close I could hear her heart beat._

_I was mere inches away from her lips while the touch of her skin brushed across my hand reminding me of fragile silk. It's hard to believe this woman was so close, possessed so much tenderness, that I could have almost tasted her passion and sweetness. I wish that could have spent more time with her tonight. _

_Most of the night was a blur after she left. _

_Then it happened, the phone rang and I couldn't believe it was her that called. I was in even more amazement that she agreed to see me. At first she hesitated which scared me but then I heard the pause fade into a yes. _

_ If I hadn't still had responsibilities to guests still here, I could have stayed on the phone with her all night. _

_ It wasn't till after our conversation that I realized in all the confusion she had left the book she wanted to borrow. I had to take the opportunity given. _

_I decided to send it along with her friend. But before I did, I wrote a hint of my feelings. _

_My first instinct was to write 'to the one I love' but that would be too much. I wanted to hint, not scare her away. _

_Then it came to me. I realized all this time it was her. She was the woman in my dreams. This woman that I'd been hoping for to become a reality. Running the dreams through my head I finally put everything together. _

_ My dreams were merely visions of what was to be. _

_I wrote what came naturally, and took it to her friend to deliver tonight when she stopped by to retrieve her bag. _

_After the rest of the guests left, I reflected on what I'd done. _

_I pray that I hadn't acted too hasty. I just let my feelings get the best of me, and its getting too difficult to hold them back any longer. _

_The woman of my dreams not only exists but she's entered my life. I can't just let her walk away. I've battled these feeling long enough. _

_ Tonight when I dream I know she'll be there, I can only hope some day she'll dream the same of me." _

_Seifer _

"I already have,"Quistis whispered out loud,

"You've flooded my dreams and my heart."

As she gather the few other papers there are, her eyes befall for another….

She knew her hands were trembling, knew she should just fold up these papers that so tenderly expressed his inner feelings, but her heart simply couldn't hold back from reading his inspired words.

Taking a deep breath she began to whisper his tender sentiments to be sure they were truly written from his hand instead of wondering if her vision played tricks on her.

_"I believe that I have found someone again. _

_She has touched me yet different from before. _

_Is it the beauty that shines so bright, _

_The kindness she shows to others, _

_The way she understands how I feel inside, _

_Or is it the way she makes me smile. _

_I think it is all of these and more… _

_But will I lose her like I have lost all the others. _

_By standing back not sharing my feelings like before. _

_This time there is so much more worth fighting for. _

_But does she know just how beautiful she is._

_How much she means to me. _

_How I dream of her at night. _

_To walk in the moonlight. _

_Give her all that I can give. _

_Or does she see me as a foolish boy, _

_who thinks he has found love. _

_All these things I do not know…" _

The husky murmur of his voice from the doorway startling her as he finished the last lines from memory,

_"…But I do know that, _

_I would give anything in the world _

_to hold her tonight." _

A shock to the senses, she literally jumped from the sound of his voice. Papers she held in her hand fluttered to the floor as she did her best to explain.

"I-I'm sorry…I mean, well they just dropped out of the book…I didn't know. I didn't mean to read them, and then, I couldn't help myself…"

She bent down hastily to retrieve the scattered array on the floor while her courage faltered to glance his way and gage his reaction.

_"Oh I've really done it this time",_ she thought, _"probably ruined our whole evening, no chance now of him seeing me as anything more then a snoop." _

All right so she was a snoop, but it wasn't like she had purposely set out to invade his privacy…

_"well, in this instance"__, _her heart chastised.

"I don't know what came over me. One minute I was looking through your books, then when these fell out...I-I…I'm so sorry."

"Quistis, there's no harm done."

All too suddenly he was crouched down beside her, the gentle warm touch of his hand lifting her gaze to meet the deep probing depth of his stare.

"Do I look upset?"

"You could be sparing my feelings."

"And you could be doing the same."

"Me upset? How could I be? What I've read here is beautiful…I mean I shouldn't have read it…I knew it was private, but…" She looked away still feeling guilty, searching for the words so he wouldn't think badly of her.

His touch lingered only a moment before it left to encase her hand. As he stood, he gently tugged her with him while his other hand simply set aside the papers she held.

"Quistis, don't ask me to take you home yet, please?"

She wasn't sure she understood.

_He wanted me to stay? He wasn't upset after all? _

His omission gave her the courage she needed to meet his eyes once more to discover a reflection of her own heartfelt feelings.

"I don't want to leave."

The smile that formed across his features reached his eyes and brought a softer glow to his stare.

"Good, then my plans aren't ruined."

A touch of teasing in his warm voice caused her own smile to form, and absent-mindedly she murmured

"Plans?" as her heart skipped from a new set of butterflies.

"A-huh. Ever wanted to learn how to play the guitar?"

The curved surface of the wooden instrument rested on her lap. With her finger placement at the neck of the guitar she realized that the cords he taught her weren't to hard to figure since she always had harbored a talent to play by ear.

Of course that had always been limited to her parents' piano, but once she got over the differentiation and heard the way the placement of her fingers sounded, it was a joy to know her fingers produce those wondrous sounds.

However she was human. Learning the cord placements of the song was easy enough, but the constant distraction of his nearness sent her into numerous mistakes because of her lack of concentration.

"Oopps, that was supposed to be in 'C' right? I'm such a jerk."

He lean over her shoulder so his hand could help with her finger placement while his other briefly strummed against the strings to hear its tone.

"You're not a jerk, in fact I'm impressed you've grasped this so fast. There. Try that."

She took a deep breath due to the runaway sensations his voice near her ear invoked. Her other hand tangled across the strings, as she laughed nervously.

"Looks like I'm helpless."

_Oh no, how could I say that! I meant Hopeless! _

Biting a portion of her bottom lip she strummed again, this time the cords' sounds were smoother rather then a tangle of different struck strings.

"Better?"

"Much."

No way could she miss the hint of amusement his voice betrayed that told her he caught her slip.

"But I think if I strum, it'll make things easier."

He leaned forward a little more, and her senses became totally aware of the contact every part of his body made from the side of his hip to the caress of his cheek against hers from behind her. Suddenly her heart raced faster, and her lungs wondered where the air in the room went.

"When I nod my head, just change cords like you've been. Ready? Three…two…one…"

The way his fingers trailed the strings could only be called poetic, yet the way his cheek tenderly caressed against her in what she'd bearly call a nod, could only be described as tender persuasion.

It was a wonderful feeling to share the experience his music brought as she listened with a new level of understanding. While she changed cords and he strummed the melody of the piece, both their efforts combined was something she couldn't even put into words except that it was the closest she ever came to magic.

"I'm going to add words now."

came the soft mummer of his voice as they returned to the beginning of the melody. Not trusting herself to speak, all she could do was nod her head, and suddenly his voice trailed the words that cursed through her soul…

"Music and roses is what I love to share.

Sweet songs and poems is how I show I care.

All these dreams I hope they happen soon.

To walk along the beach and to dance with you underneath the moon.

Midnight talks and champagne by the fire.

My hearts melts around you cause its full of desire.

Romance in my dreams,

Only happens when my eyes are closed.

Romance in my dreams,

Always leaves me crying…"

Her finger placement skipped, and the taunt lift of his cheek she felt against hers had to be a noting smile.

"It's ok.", his whisper assured her as his other hand came to the rescue resuming the finger placements for her…

"...I want to feel your gentle touch upon my face.

I want to watch you dance as you move with so much grace.

I want to run my hands through your hair with my fingertips.

I want to touch your face and kiss your tender lips.

I want you by my side so I can hold you tight.

I would give anything to have you here when I wake up from the night.

Romance in my dreams,

Only happens when my eyes are closed.

Romance in my dreams,

Always leaves me crying…"

She couldn't help herself, the embrace of his music surrounding her while his words so meaningful touched her soul cohered her into closing her eyes and opening her heart to the melody his hands strummed. Resting her head against his shoulder she gave herself over to his music losing herself in the pure essence of it.

"...Sleepless nights filled with nothing more than romance.

By the candlelight is where we shall dance.

My heart beats faster as we move real slow.

We pull close together as music is played low.

Whispers in the dark leave a ringing in my ears.

To share a night like this with you I have dreamed for years.

Romance in my dreams,

Only happens when my eyes are closed.

Romance in my dreams,

Always leaves me crying..."

The tremble of his body she felt behind her and the strong pounding of his heart, told her his own emotions were shaken by the experience he was feeling as well, but his voice never wavered, his hands never once faltered.

"...Romance in my dreams,

Only happens when my eyes are closed.

Romance in my dreams,

Always leaves me crying..."

He had given her the inner sight of his soul, his heart through his words, and the magic of his music that was so much a part of him. As the strumming of his fingers slowed and eased, she found it hard to find the words of just how moved she'd been by his song, his music, and his emotions.

"Quistis?"

She opened her eyes to a watery blur that didn't surprise her, but made it more difficult to voice the vortex of emotions she felt.

"You have this uncanny ability to ruin my concentration."

Blinking back tears, she felt his hand slowly push back strands of hair, his fingers ever so softly caressing the contour of her cheek. That next moment, the guitar slipped to the ground with a thud, and her smile widened just a fraction

"Oopps… There goes the music."

His touch trailed the curve of her jaw, his fingers gently lifting her face a fraction more before his thumb lightly caressed her smile and his voice trailed with his nearness,

"And here goes my good intentions…"

The moment his lips traced along her own an onslaught of sensations cursed through her. The combination of tenderness and heat brushed with hesitancy as soft as a promised caress.

She couldn't understand how a kiss that was all too brief, could be that impactful. One thing was for sure, if she was reeling like this with just the promised caress his kiss could bring, she was certainly going to lose every semblance of sanity when his kiss had free rain.

The lingering touch lifted and deep fathomless eyes mirrored how much he'd been shaken from his sudden impulse.

"Did I mention I'd like to see you again?"

His smile was contagious. Taking another deep breath to steady the swirl of emotions that still ran rampant, Quistis teased,

"I think you just did."

"Then if I don't take you home now, you'll tempt me to cross boundaries."

She nervously bit her bottom lip since the same temptations to feel his kiss again surged through her as well,

"And that's bad?"

His eyes trailed to her lips again and as she sensed the battle within him, his forefinger grazed the soft patch of skin just under her bottom lip where her teeth bit.

"On our first date? Yeah," his forefinger then taped lightly for emphasis,

"This sexy habit of yours is already driving me crazy."

Well that did it, her teeth let go of her bottom lip and with a murmured apology she tried to hide the tell tail blush his omission caused.

With a hint of regret, he expelled a sigh, moved to stand, and extended his hand to her.

"The sooner I bring you home, Quistis, the sooner I can see you again."

She couldn't help it, she just had to reassure herself she'd see him again, and when that would be.

"And our next date is…?"

That soft-teasing glint was back in Seifer's eyes,

"Five seconds after you close your door and I perform a three-sixty to knock on it again."

She squelched the laugh begged to escape with that answer, and her heart leaped with joy knowing he was just as anxious to see her again as she was him.

As Quistis placed her hand in his, she silently thanked heaven above for making her dreams reality

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Author's notes:

mmm…(yawnzZzzz…) well..that's it :)


	5. chapter 5

Chapter 5

Staring out the window of his office library, Quistis' mind trips along memories of the past months. The walks on the beach, and the moments just sitting together sharing thoughts fill her with a feeling of completeness.

Everything seems so perfect except her conscience that nags her once in a while.

The guilt of looking in his diary, of reading those private thoughts and knowing his feelings even before he could voice them made it easier to calm most of her anxieties. Still, reading his words didn't make it right, and its been an inner turmoil that's bothered her ever since.

Even now, knowing where his diary was, and knowing it'd be just a while longer before he arrived was a temptation that was hard to resist. After all, she was here to work her culinary skills on him to see if the old wives tail held true

'A way to a man's heart is through his stomach' was true.`

It was more then that though, on one of those silly times when they both just enjoyed humorous buntings, there'd been a contest of 'who's picture was worse' comparing drivers licenses. As a great sneaky way to notice his birthday, she figured a home-cooked meal followed by cake might serve as a better present then anything she could give him.

Of course when she offered to cook him dinner, she didn't let on that she knew about his birthday -- it just made her plans even more perfect to bring the upcoming evening to a hopefully wonderful conclusion.

Another ten minutes, and dinner would be done; in twenty, he'd be walking through the door ready to be poisoned or blessed. It was just the idle minutes that brought her into this room again, looking out the window lost in thoughts and fighting temptation.

_"If I peek just one more time it wouldn't make me any less guilty"__, _her mind figures

_ "the deed's already done." _

Slowly she turn and make her way to his desk, and even though her heart cries out the contradiction that it could only make matters worse, her hand reaches to open the drawer and reach for the leather bound book

She open to a written page….

  


_"...I lay here writing as my mind walks the thin line between dreams and reality wondering if what happened tonight was something I imagined or a dream come true. I can still picture her sitting across the table from me as the light above her flickered in her eyes. _

_Her beauty so much different than any normal human being. _

_The way the light shines in her eyes, how her hair just swings on her shoulders and down her back, or the way she bites her lower lip not even knowing the effect it has upon me. _

_ Beauty that only an angel from heaven above could posses. _

_Night after night I have dreamed of being in that place with her. _

_ My heart pounding inside my chest as each second passed. _

_I began to wonder if it was the fear that she might see my true feelings which laid deep inside my eyes or if I was just nervous because I have waited so long to be so close to her. _

_I began to ask myself, "Can she see all of the feelings I have hidden for so long?" _

_ "Does she know that all I want to do is hold her hand?" _

_ "Will she ever know that in my dreams I have loved her for what seems like years?" _

_ I have fought this battle inside my mind for so long that I never believed I would ever be here with her alone. I carefully started planting the seeds from my heart in hope that someday a flower will grow from hers._

_Fear kept me from saying what I really wanted to say so I began to speak in metaphors and similes as the poet inside me came alive. I slowly began to feel the fear fade away as the poet stood tall. _

_During this, my heart sent prayers to heaven in the hope that I might gain the rest of the courage it would take to tell her how I dream that one day I might be her knight and she my sweet princess. _

_The strength to tell her that there will be times at night when I need her angel wings to protect me. _

_The freedom to express all the passion and desire that my heart holds in a special place for her. The ability to let her know my inner most thoughts and my deepest feelings. _

_The night went on for hours as we drank coffee, walked, and then played music together. The whole night I fought every urge I had to take her in my arms and kiss her but as she sat there next to me the battle came to a climax. _

_While I sang the song I wrote for her I couldn't fight the feelings anymore as the words flowed from my mouth. She closed her eyes and somehow I knew that she was thinking of me. _

_I poured out all my feelings as I sang that song and when I was finished I was left completely open. I let go of everything I was fighting and let my heart lead the way. _

_ My heart took me along that beautiful precious journey to her tender lips. For a moment our hearts beat as one while her breath was mine. It was then I realized that only she could take me to heaven, and heaven is where I wanted to be._

_Reality hit like a ton of bricks when I had to say goodnight. I held her in my arms and wished that I could have kept her there forever. _

_Then it happened. _

_As I looked at her the way I always do I saw a shooting star glisten across her eyes. _

_It took all the strength I have ever known to not tell her how I could love her right then and there, yet I knew deep inside my heart that someday I would._

_So I lay here at the same place I always do and ask myself Dream or Reality."_

_Seifer_

Quistis' heart sighs with the memory of that first shared day together as she whisper out loud

"_Reality_…" and then turning the pages, her gaze befalls another entry… 

_"...The night started out as usual, discussing the finer things in life. Music, poetry, and dance over a couple of glasses of wine at my apartment. _

_Favorite movies, places, or time in history, no matter the topic it was just so amazing to sit there with her and share our lives._

_As the night passed any distance that might of been between us melted away. With each change of topic another glass was poured. A little scoot here, an arm on the back of the couch there, and she was finally in my arms. _

_While she sat there using me as a pillow I began to recite her some of my poetry and songs. All the verse I had written for my dream woman, who I recently realized was her. _

_ Then I went on to tell her if I had one wish, it would be sharing time with her. _

_Taking soulful walks along the beach together watching the sun set, her in my arms, while waves crashed at our feet… _

_Cooking her dinner to enjoy under a canopy of summer stars on the patio…_

_Personally feeding her strawberries dipped in chocolate by a roaring fire… _

_As I went on, I noticed her blush. _

_Gently brushing back her hair to get a better view I noted the change of her cheeks from a soft pink carnation to a dark red rose. _

_ She looked so comfortable there looking up at me smiling as I ran my fingers through her hair that I couldn't help but explore the contours of her face with my hands. _

_ Gently my fingers caressed up her neck, softly around her chin, lightly across her lips, delicately against her cheek, and trailed softly across her forehead until my hands found its way into her hair again. _

_ Through all this she just laid there with her eyes closed and smiled. _

_I would have given anything to know what her thoughts were at that moment. _

_As for my own, I was in heaven. _

_Oh how I wish I could have told her how much of a dream come true she is. _

_She's everything I ever wanted and so much more. _

_ If only I could of put into words the way she makes me feel, I would have told her right then and there. _

_I imagined being her Romeo and her my sweet Juliet, sweeping her off her feet to ride off with her into the sunset. _

_I want to give her anything her heart desires. _

_The next thing I remember is waking up with our arms wrapped around each other realizing we had both fallen asleep. _

_ As I watched her for the longest time still asleep nestled trustingly against me, I thought about what elapsed this wonderful evening sharing our lives and our pasts. _

_Someone else might have found her actions rude but not I. _

_To me it was the greatest sign of affection anyone could have ever shown me to have her in my arms like this. _

_ I felt closer to her than ever before. "_

_Seifer _

Smiling softly from the memory of that night, Quistis can feel the heat of a blush warm its way through her. Without a second thought she remember she had brought strawberries as well as cake for desert, and now, being reminded of the romantic implications, she can't help the butterfly sensations of knowing how the sweet fruit will be served.

With the temptation of reading just one more entry, she turned through the pages when all of a sudden a tell-tail aroma panics her.

Racing into the kitchen, engulfed by a clogged cloud of smoke, her assumptions are right -- its coming from the oven.

Dropping his diary in the haste to open up some windows and to quickly grab some oven mitts, she open the oven to reveal two shriveled up charcoal saucers that were supposed to be chicken parmesan.

Removing the still smoking tray from the oven to place on two hotplates on the counter, matters get worse when in her haste her arm accidentally bumps a ladle of tomato sauce she prepared earlier for the spaghetti side-dish.

The action sends the ladle crashing to the floor. Sauce splatters everywhere -- including his diary.

With split-second reflexes, she toss mitts aside, grab a towel and the diary to vainly attempt sopping up the damage which doesn't do any good. Reddish crimson sauce already tints the outer shell of the pages, and splotch marks cover the entire front.

A whole bunch of thoughts running ramped in her mind, she glance at her watch.

Five minutes to undo all this damage and think up a plausible explanation how his diary came to be ruined in the first place.

_"Not a chance in a million of that happening"_, she thought.

_"But wait, what about that place I had visited earlier to browse at some antiques? _

_They were known for their restoration of furniture…maybe…" _

One alternative springs to mind as she made her way through hazy smoke and reach for her purse near the phone.

With heart sickening deja-vu, you place the diary in her purse while fishing out the shops' business card. Picking up the phone she dial the number and in a rush explain what's happened to the diary. The person she talk to asks her to bring it in tomorrow to survey the damage.

Hardly a minute latter after she hang up, she hear Seifer walk through the door accompanied by an urgent call of her name. As Quistis drop the business card back in her purse he comes into view taking in the smoke, the mess, and her with an array of emotions.

Not sure she could ever find an explanation for all this she hope her sense of humor helps this time instead of hindering matters further.

"Surprise…happy birthday.", she wearily say with a wobbly smile.

He had to know what she was feeling. In no time at all his arms envelop her while his own sense of humor sooths over her anxieties.

"There nothing more I could have asked for my birthday then pretending I'm a Fireman rescuing a fair damsel in distress. How did you guess?"

Sweeping her into his arms with a gallant flourish, Seifer carries her towards the door while she can't help thinking,

**_yes indeed, he's the man of my dreams. _**


	6. chapter 6

Chapter 6

Sitting perched against the pillows on her bed, the soft lamplight in the room touches on the worn -- now stained -- cover of his diary. 

Wistfully smiling to herself as memories skitter across her mind, she murmur, 

"What a wonderfully disastrous day." 

Disastrous because she almost managed to burn his place down as well as ruin his diary. 

And wonderful because she had never been more in love in her life. 

It had been so perfect, the way Seifer carried her out his front door straight out side for a walk on the beach. 

For hours just the both of them slowly trailed footprints in the sand hand and hand until the sun sank deep into the oceans depths. 

Then later that evening the two of them sat in front of the cozy fire in his living room while sharing desert… 

It was just so wonderful she hated to see the evening end. 

Now while her fingers run through written pages of his deepest thoughts, she can't help wondering what other written words from his heart are there to find in these pages. 

Hesitantly she open the diary, his words as always touching her soul as she begin to read.... 

_ "...Lately she's the one that's constantly on my mind. She's already a part of everything I do. _

_ Its thoughts of her that bring me to conquer the day without hesitation. _

_ Its almost as if we're connected through heart and mind sharing reminiscent thoughts of 'us' when the day begins until the day ends somehow knowing she can sense the emotions that stir within me when I whisper her name good night. _

_ I'm beginning to understand what it is like to find that one special person in my life. _

_ It's her who gives me hope and a smile on my face. _

_ It's her who I met in an unusual place. _

_ It's her who I just met yet know so well. _

_ It's her who I have so much to tell. _

_ It's her who I can talk to for hours and still have a hard time saying goodbye. _

_ It's her who gives me the strength to climb mountains and fly. _

_ It's her who I know is heaven sent. _

_ It's her I could never give up for lent. _

_ It's her who knows what I want to say before we say it. _

_ It's her who knows how I feel before I feel it. _

_ It's her who can make a bad day great. _

_ It's her who I can't wait to meet for a date. _

_ It's her who appreciates me for who I am and what I can be. _

_ It's her who can make a lame man walk and a blind man see. _

_ It's her who understands me more than ever before. _

_ It's her who is everything I imagined and more. _

_ It's her who made it all seem worth waiting for. _

_ It's her who captured me with the first glance from her eyes. _

_ It's her who has the look of the deepest bluest skies. _

_ It's her who I wish was here wrapped in a blanket, so I cuddle. _

_ It's her who if I put my arms around would not rebuttal. _

_ It's her who I know would love to share some Ben and Jerry's ice cream. _

_ It's her who knows my heart's desire and the life dream. _

_ It's her who makes me feel like a knight. _

_ It's her who I think of in the middle of the night. _

_ It's her who knows what flabbergasted means. _

_ It's her who seems like I could have only met her in my dreams. _

_ The greatest thing about her is she's the woman of my dreams." _

_ Seifer_

"And you'll always be the man of my dreams." she whisper from the depths of her heart as she begin to turn the pages… 

_ "...I was driving from the studio to her apartment so that we could go to this reception for local artists and then have diner together. _

_ At first I thought it was great that the two of us would get dressed up to go out on the town. Cocktails, dinner, and dancing. Perfect schedule of events. _

_ Then something came over me as I drove by the park._

_ Spotting two teenagers swinging, holding hands and staring at each other, I started to remissness what it must have been like to be a teenager in love. _

_ There were no real worries but the person you had a crush on._

_ Remembering what it was like to get butterflies when you tried to talk but the only thing that would come out of your mouth was "hi" if anything came out at all._

_ Feeling like you could take on the world because you had that special someone by your side no matter where you were, what you were doing… _

_ I grabbed the car phone and dialed her number._

_ I couldn't help smiling when I asked her to change into jeans and shirt. When she asked why, I told her that my heart insisted we do something else. _

_ As soon as I got off the phone I took off my tie and unbuttoned my shirt as I began to think about where we would go instead of the reception and dinner. _

_ Then like a message sent from heaven above as I was stopped at a signal a bus passed by with an advertisement for the boardwalk._

_ It had been years since I'd been there but I could still remember the music from the merry-go round and the smell of pretzels and hot dogs. _

_ I knew that this would be a much more enjoyable evening. _

_ I greeted her as always with a kiss that lasted a little longer than usual filled with excitement._

_ We got to the boardwalk just as the sun set so the night was still very young. _

_ There we wondered the place holding hands like two school kids on a date. _

_ The feeling was great._

_ I would much rather be here with her at the boardwalk then at the reception. We didn't have to worry about remembering what this person's name was or how they were related to the Vice President. _

_ We didn't have to worry about using the right utensil or dabbing our face after every bite of food._

_ Instead we had ice cream before our dinner and the question of which fork to use never came up cause we ate with our hands. Hot dogs, pretzels, and popcorn was our three-course meal._

_ The evening was a smash as we walked around from ride to ride playing games between each. I intended to win her a teddy bear but little did I know that I'd go home with a furry little creature._

_ The rest of the evening was just as well. We shared cotton candy, splashed each other on the log ride, held hands on the roller coaster, and got lost in the fun house together. _

_ The highlight of the night was taking her down to the beach to see it after dark. _

_ We walked in the sand with our shoes off holding hands finger interlocked with each other's. _

_ After walking for awhile we stopped to lay on the sand and watch the stars. As we lay next to each other we pointed out our favorite constellations. _

_ It was then the question came to mind. Could there possible be two other people somewhere else on earth as happy as the two of us were that evening?" _

_ Seifer_

She remembered that wonderful evening not long ago. The excitement, the spontaneity, the hilarity of his expression when she actually won him a stuffed puppy when she struck all ten of those milk bottles down in the pyramid toss… 

**It was unforgettable. **

Placing his diary under her pillow she close her eyes forgetting about everything accept the two of them…the only two people in the world as she drift on dreams… 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

"This must belong to a very special person to go to all this trouble for." 

_ "More than you imagine"_ she want to reply. 

The almost too innocent stare the restorer gives her behind the counter says it all though, he understood just _how_ special. 

Had the man been too inquiring with that stare it would have made Quistis feel quite a bit more uncomfortable, but thankfully he doesn't say anything else about the diary. 

Taking the diary, Quistis thank the man behind the counter, turn to leave, and then an old weathered sheet of handwritten musical notes gain her attention. 

Drawn to it more out of curiosity, she walk over to an old wooden music stand where an open portfolio lays to look with more speculation. 

Though the written notes look intriguing, it's not a normal written orchestration recognized for any instrument she's aware of that lays against a crushed black velvet inner portfolio. 

Though minutely thread bear because of its age, her hand reaches out to skim across velvet noting its still excellent condition, then out to its outer edge where heavy stitching combines where warmed tooled leather begins and velvet ends. 

Slowly she turn one side to view its front. Tooled warm leather that hadn't suffered a crack in age, pressed with a design that was more European... 

"I've never seen anything like this." 

"It's a couple of centuries old. The original owner was a famous Spaniard guitarist but the inheritor didn't much think it worth keeping. The one sheet in there is an original composition. I agreed to sell it. Are you interested?" 

_Two hundred years old? _she can imagine the price -- but she instantly know it doesn't matter, it makes the perfect belated birthday gift. 

It's only minutes later while walking to her apartment that she remember she and Selphie were supposed to get together for a 'girls night in' -- just a video and catching up. Checking her watch as she open the door, she figure there's a good hour before she arrives. 

It gives her enough time to check through the diary to make sure everything was well restored to its original state, then get comfortable. 

Trailing everything along with her, Quistis sink into a seat in the living room and pull out the diary. Running her fingers over the pages.

her conscience tells her…" _don't even think about contemplating another peek"_, 

but her heart already aches for the words that hold a special place in her heart, just as its owner does.

Slowly she unfold the pages and begin to read… 

_ "...The last couple of days have been difficult. I've tried to remind myself she has a career of her own and that she must do what's best for her, but I just wish this show could've been closer, not all the way across country. _

_ I remember when she began talking about the show and how mixed her emotions were._

_ Happy because she'd been waiting all her life for a chance like this, but sad cause she'd have to be gone for a time. _

_ My first instinct was set on packing everything to go with her, but reality hit hard when I realized I had studio work to finish before I could do anything else. _

_ Of course we made the best of the time we had that next week but still nothing prepared me for saying goodbye. _

_ We were at the airport terminal hand in hand waiting for the final boarding call. _

_ For the past hour she'd been trying to convince me that maybe she had made the wrong choice and that she should stay. _

_ Well I don't know how I did it, but somehow I gained the strength to remind her what a once in a life time opportunity this was for her as I slowly walked her to the boarding gate. _

_ We stopped just in front of the flight attendant and I held her in my arms. I assured her that time would fly and that I'd be there in a month to visit her while gently wiping away the uncertain tears I saw. _

_ When I gave her one last kiss before she departed it took everything in the world to let her go but I refused to hold her back from living her dreams. _

_ So I stood there at the window with my hand pressed against the glass and whispered another goodbye to the plane that carried her off to the runway, then took flight. _

_ Since then I hadn't been able to concentrate on any work that I should've been getting done._

_ The guys knew that I had to get some thinking time in before I could continue, so I decided to go to the place where I always go in order to get away from the world. _

_ It had been a while since I've been there, yet it was as beautiful as it always is. _

_ As soon as I got to the cabin I took a long walk. Hours must have past because the next thing I knew it was getting dark and I began to feel as if I was in unfamiliar territory. _

_ I thought the surrounding beauty of nature and its peacefulness would help, but no matter what I did I still couldn't get her out of my mind. _

_ Doubts about what the next couple of months would bring us and if our hearts could survive this separation flooded into emotions. _

_ I knew I had to be strong, believe and pray with all my soul that things would work out in due time, but at that very moment the wave of longing to feel her touch, to hear her sweet voice were too overwhelming. _

_ From out of no where a flash of lighting and the powerful sound of thunder lit and filled the air._

_ And as I started back for the cabin rain fell to gently beat its own path against my head and roll down my face like tears the storm released in honor of my pain. _

_ Then I felt it. The connection. That special bond that sometimes at the oddest moments just lets me know how very close to heart we both are even though we're not here in the same place._

_ Like the times at night just before drifting asleep feeling the emotion between us and almost hearing her whisper good night, I could feel her close, and knew our thoughts and our hearts were one and the same wherever she was. _

_ When I finally got back to the cabin I started a fire then sat down and put all my feelings in writing. _

_ My Memories of You _

_ As the sun sets and the day leaves, I am reminded of your departure. _

_ While the wind blows through the trees, I am reminded of your gentle voice._

_ As the bird sings and flies from limb to limb, I am reminded of the joy and happiness you brought me. _

_ While the steam flows down its given path, I am reminded of life and how it could be with you. _

_ As the thunder rolls and the cloud take their tolls, I am reminded of the heartache when you left. _

_ While the rain drops start to fall, I am reminded of the tears that fell for you. _

_ As the sky clears so do the tears, and I am reminded of how you brought me cheer. _

_ While the fire burns and brings me warmth, I am reminded of when you held my hand. _

_ Memories come and go but these will be written in the book of my life forever." _

_ Seifer_

"Close your eyes." 

The soft whisper near her ear physically startles her out of her chair; as her vision glimpses a bowl of popcorn to the left. Too late to curb her reaction, instant disaster follows. 

Popcorn flies like confetti as the wrapped package of her recent purchase along with the diary falls to the floor. 

And there Seifer is behind the chair. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Author's notes:

Okay, im gonna leave you hangin' there for a while :) by the way thanks again for the reviews! 

Oh my God!! …one of my favorite authors actually reviewed my work!!! (fainted) x_x


	7. chapter 7

Chapter 7

Froze in a rather awkward position -- one arm still outstretched that must of held that bowl of popcorn, and in his other hand, a held out a popped kernel. It all gives Quistis a good impression of what he'd been up to when she got the shock of her life. 

While coming to grips with what happened, she try her best to hold in the hilarity of it all.It looks like popcorn snowed all over him from hair right on down. 

"I'm beginning to think you're the prettiest walking disaster there is.", was his humorous statement. 

"What are you doing here?" 

A wary smile as his empty hand begins to brush at one shoulder has him cautiously informing,

"I'm Selphie's replacement. She couldn't make it so she called me wondering if I'd be interested in taking her place. I didn't think I'd give you this sort of reaction. I'm sorry." 

He looked a bit unnerved and doubtful, and suddenly all Quistis wanted to do is tell him it's the best surprise she ever had. 

Biting her lip trying her best to keep her smile at bay, Quistis take a few steps around the chair and can't help reaching up to ruffle the scattered kernels from his hair.

Loving that Seifer's here, she tried to keep back any traces of humor as she say, 

"Is it to late to close my eyes?" 

Quistis watched, as Seifer comically propels the popcorn kernel in his hand, over his shoulder. 

The corner of his mouth tugs into a playful smile and the doubt she witnessed in the depths of his stare turns warmer. The beat of her heart accelerates as one of his hands lightly circles the wrist of her own that's still brushing away kernels from his hair. Bringing it to rest over his heart, his gaze lowers to linger at the site of her teeth that nip a portion of lower lip. 

"Any last requests?"He teasingly asks. 

Quistis' heart flutters at the very idea of what that stare suggests. 

Thinking it's a ploy to mislead her into an unexpected bouncing of popcorn, she throw caution to the wind, close her eyes, and mask herr emotions into mock seriousness. 

"I double dare you. Do your worst." 

Moments stretch without any repercussion, and that only feeds her doubts about her off handed challenge. Knowing it's just a matter of time before he grabs a scattered handful of popcorn, Quistis brace herself for its impact. 

The feel of fingertips that ascend from her hand that's still against his chest surprises her. The slow trail they make up her arm is suddenly combined by the feel of other fingertips that touch and follow the curve of her jaw.

A gentle touch tentatively brushes away stray tresses along her shoulder, then caresses a path against the pulse at the side of her throat. Venturing further, caressive fingertips brush the nape of her neck that then eases her blindly forward. 

"Double dare me huh?"

His whisper breezes against her forehead before the soft flutter of his breath swirls lower. The touch of his lips lightly kiss both her closed eyelids before a wispy one strokes the tip of your nose.

"Dangerous words…" 

The touch of his lips against the corner of her mouth instantly scatters butterflies in the pit of her stomach. A marvel of emotional sensations race through her as his tender trail lightly traces across her lips to the other corner. Her lips part to draw in needed air to make up for the sudden lack of oxygen her body lacks. 

Soft trails of tenderness slowly turn to warm tempting kisses. Each kiss, a lasting fraction of time that lingers a bit a longer with each passing. Overwhelmed, her senses real on dizzying sensations that delve past the intimate to repercussions of passion. 

The fingers of her hand over his heart curl into a fist of shirt fabric. Her other hand weaves into the silk layers of his hair, drawing the kiss deeper, bringing him closer to feel the brush of his body against hers. 

As body contours fit together, she heard his own in-drawn breath, feel his own heartbeat match the quickened pulse of her own, and feel the now shared kiss between the both of them change to a sudden forbidden intensity never explored before… 

Everything halts. Even more dazed then before, he brakes the kiss, and brakes contact. 

Opening her eyes, Quistis find him a foot away, his stare a molten combination of desire and fathomless emotion. Several seconds tick by without a word; silent messages rushing by within the depth of his gaze. 

Knowing he was feeling as overwhelmed by what just happened as she was, she tried to tell him in her own way there no need for explanations.

"That does it, from now on I'm buying stock in popcorn." 

That makes him smile even though his deep breaths tell her he's still at odds with what just happened. 

"I need some air. Be back in minute." 

Before she was able to say anything more, he walks out of the room, leaving her there still confused and dazed. 

For moments, she unconsciously look around at the scattered mess of popcorn while going over the events of what happened. 

All thoughts of that circumstance halt when her gaze locks on the boxed leather music portfolio, beneath it, his diary that's on the floor. 

_Did he see it? Does he know?_

Her heart lurches anxiously wondering if his hasty retreat was done to just that. 

Of course if it came down to it, she could explain that she accidentally spilled dinner on it days before, but then again -- no. That wouldn't explain how the diary came to be in his kitchen in the first place. 

With a wave of guilt, she pick up the items and uncertainly call out,

"I need to get out of this suit, It'll just be a few." 

Berating herself for how unsteady her voice is, she hastily retreat to her bedroom, the excuse not a total fabrication since the suit she was wearing from an early interview was beginning to take its toll. 

Before she search for something more comfortable, she immediately scan the diary and groan. More damage, though not so bad this time, catches her attention. There on the cover were a few scattered blotch marks from the popcorn itself. 

_Oh well_, she thought, _it was a good thing that restorer does wonderful work._

Scanning the pages, she's relieved that at least there's no damage to be found here. Her eyes open to a page that captures her attention… 

_ "... Sometimes it's so easy to forget the little things in life, yet when the things we depend on are taken from us, it's those little things that stand out. _

_ I walked around the darkness searching for matches to light a candle. Completely lost and confused, I couldn't even decide left from right. _

_ After a day like this, all I really needed was to hear her voice tell me it was going to workout. I grabbed my guitar and sat on the porch as the rain came down hard trying to pass the time by breaking through the silence. _

_ I started playing from that mental set list in my mind of all her favorites. As I sang, my voice filled the night with love songs and contemporary melodies. _

_ After awhile it seemed as if my hands, fingers, and voice had taken over. Notes I've never played before came from the guitar, while words flowed from my lips like a river overflowing. _

_ Losing track of time and space my voice grew louder and louder in hopes to connect with her tonight where ever she was. Just hoping somehow I could reach her and she might hear me. _

_ My body became one with the song as my hands moved across the guitar's body, and my fingertips gently touched her neck. _

_ I remember singing the words 'when I want you - when I need you'. The faster my hands moved, the harder my heart beat. _

_ With a sort of desperation I played with all my senses trying to break through the invisible wall of separation between us, and search for her with my mind, body, and soul. _

_ Faster, harder, deeper, my heart strained until I stopped on the verge of gasping for air. _

_ Suddenly from the recesses of my mind I could sense her clapping and cheering. Had I reached her? Then from out of the depths of my soul came her voice. _

_ "Another song?" I replied, "Of course Angel. Do I write for anyone else?" _

_ The phone rang. In no rush to answer it anticipating only someone from the recording studio checking up on me, I hesitantly picked up the phone only to find out that I couldn't have been more wrong…"_

The soft knock on her bedroom door startles her before she was able to finish reading the entire entry, and his voice softly filters through. 

"Quistis?" 

On the emotional threads of what she had just read, she tried and compose herself once again,

"I - I decided to take a quick shower. I'll just be a couple of minutes, I promise." 

She don't know really why she even blurted out those words, she just knew she need more time to get a hold of emotions that were running rampant through her. 

Actually, on second thought, a shower didn't seem like a bad idea 

Silence stretched for a few moments, but his reply did come, 

"Are you sure?" 

Quistis feel her own smile form again trying to figure just what that question was: 

_"sure you'd be a couple of minutes, or sure you wanted to take a shower? Well there's only one answer to both questions anyway." She thought.._

"Yes." 

A few moments more and his words filtered through with the merest hint of tenderness, "I'll keep the popcorn warm." 

As footsteps echo away, she entered the connecting bath, turn on the water for the shower, then trail back into the bedroom with the need to read the rest of his words… 

****

****

_ "…It was her and how my heart lurched at her 'hello'. For once the man who always has so much to say was speechless. _

_ I struggled with emotion as I said 'Hi', but as usual she read me like a book. Within seconds she knew I was upset. Slowly as I told her about my day, my heart began to ache all the more because of the many miles between us. _

_ How I yearned to open the flood gates of my soul and tell her everything. How afraid I was of losing her. How much I needed her. How I just wanted to take her in my arms and tell her how much I loved her. _

_ Yet too afraid I'd drive her away, I just continued to hold the phone close to me with my arms wrapped around my pillow listening to her sweet voice that calmed all the doubts I harbored; her own words reassuring that she missed me just as much. _

_ For hours we talked until we made a pact that we'd stay on the phone together till one of us fell asleep. So I pulled back the covers and climbed into bed with my arms still wrapped around my pillow and the phone held close._

_ I wished her sweet dreams and blew a kiss through the phone just incase she was the first to fall asleep. She wished me a goodnights sleep, and then for hours more we talked._

_ All during that time those three words were in my heart and on my mind. Oh how I didn't want our conversation to end, but in no time her voice drifted away to soft silence, and I couldn't find it in my heart to be selfish enough to wake her. The moment I had so longed for had finally arrived._

_ I spoke those three words dearest to my heart. _

**_ I love you_**_."_

_ Seifer_

Leaning into the spray of the shower, hot water rinses away the last remnants of shampoo while his written words echo in her mind. 

The last thing she remembered that night was his voice softly lulling her to the sweetest dreams, then waking up to a warm _good morning_ from him, the phone still nestled close to her ear. 

_"If only I had stayed awake a little longer_…" she thought, 

**_"I wouldn't have missed out on the most important words of my life."_ **

With a frustrated twist of the shower knobs she turned off the water and reached for a towel. Throughout the vigorous drying, her mind plays devils advocate reminding her of the many opportunities there had been to voice her own feelings, but she never had either. 

_What's wrong with me? All I have to do is tell him. What am I so afraid of?_

The answer from the deepest fear her heart harbors is too obvious. 

**_I'm afraid of losing him._ **

How many months had it been, almost six? And in all that time he had been the perfect soul mate in practically every sense of the word. Yet every time the both of them were together, he held himself in check. Didn't he know how much she ached when both of them were apart too? 

_Is my inexperience showing? Is he waiting for me to…to…?_

The thread of her thoughts stops as the revelation hits. 

**_He's waiting for a sign from me. _**

Walking back into the bedroom she placed the diary in the top dresser drawer, then walk over to her bed to grab the extra folded blanket on the end. Wrapping it around her, Quistis took a deep breath for courage and walk out the bedroom door. 

"Well, he's waited long enough."

****

****

She stood there looking at his shadowed silhouette for a very long time while uncertainty tugged at her conscience. 

Through the open French doors, she watched gentle evening winds ruffle against his blonde hair and ripple against an open shirt that trailed the end of those breezes. With hands braced along the iron railing of her balcony, his features seemed set between frustration and indecision. 

It was an unguarded glimpse of him she knew existed from reading his own words, one she rarely saw. 

_I can do this...he's waited long enough to know what's in my heart. _

The last thing she wanted was to lose everything she held precious in this relationship. Friendship. Devotion. Companionship. Love. Where would they stand after they woke up in each others arms the next morning? 

The repercussions scared her more then she was willing to admit. It was enough to rethink her impulsive decision. 

In her heart she knew she loved him. No matter what, that would never change. 

Her experience though, ended there. The few failing relationships from her past weren't something she could draw on to help her in this circumstance. 

Of course being hurt before made her cautious, but by comparison of what she'd gone through, this was love, not shades of the possibility. The risk she was taking was far more detrimental and she didn't want to make a total disaster of it. 

Closing her eyes she took a deep breath for courage … then caught by the confession of the moment, thought this would probably be the best time to tell him about the diary as well. 

"Quistis…" 

She was in the midst of turning back to retrieve his diary when his voice soft and low caught her off guard. Her steps faltered on trailing blanket and the gathered ends she held slipped from her hands. 

_"Don't panic"_, her mind screamed, "_remain calm and just try and retrieve the blanket…inconspicuously". _

She glanced down at folds of blanket pooled around her feet while the night air coming through the doors stirred across her skin. 

Now all she had to do was lean down, grab the blanket, and think of what to say. 

"I…a…well, I forgot today was laundry day."

"_Oh real smart thinking"_, she silently berated herself further, "_how in blazes is bad humor going to help me out here?"_

"I've got no clothes…oh damn…that is to say I couldn't find any clean clothes…"

The sound of doors clicking shut followed by slow footsteps stilted her words and kept her frozen in place. 

She couldn't look. She didn't have the courage to witness what he actually thought of her actions right now. Maybe in a minute she'd scrap up enough nerve, but she felt far too vulnerable to face anything yet. 

"Hey, it's only me, remember?" The rough huskiness of his voice was nothing compared to the fragile trace of fingertips against her cheek that brought her eyes to his. 

"You never have to be anything but yourself." 

His gaze was a fathomless whirlpool of emotion. His nearness, an intoxicating aphrodisiac that caused her body to tremble. 

"Surprised?" was all she could audibly bring herself to say. 

Long moments full of heated undercurrents made wondering what the spontaneity of the moment would bring increasingly difficult. Then, as a muscle flexed along his jaw, his gaze slowly descended. 

Without a word, his body followed. So close that stir of his breath and the slight graze of hair against her skin was a revelation while he crouched down to where the blanket lay. 

No, his actions weren't a practiced seduction to further incite her, but the implied sensuality of it caught her breath as he came back up to drape the soft folds of blanket around her shoulders and gather them at the base of her throat. 

****

His breathing was as shallow as her own, and with what looked to be conscience effort he whispered, 

"I'm speechless." 

A wave of understanding along with the first threads of humor overwhelmed her. Looking away from his stare hoping he wouldn't see just how self conscience she felt, she relied on her trusted humor once again.

"I think you're at a disadvantage." 

His hold on her blanket tightened a fraction as he steadily pulled her towards him. 

"Are you sure about this?" 

"More than I've ever been in my entire life -- about anything." 

"I need you in my life in every way "

The softest of kisses whisked across her forehead. 

"I'm glad you cleared that up, I was beginning to think we wouldn't get anywhere because I snored in my sleep." 

The soft trail of a kiss whisked against her cheek with a trace of tenderness, 

"Actually," came the stirring whispered swirl that laced her ear, 

"you talk in yours." 

The indulgent sensation slowly had her tilting her head as his lips lightly stroked the outer shell of sensitive skin. 

"And it's the sweetest sound my heart's ever heard." 

Gasping softly, her body leaned closer as that light trail further ventured tentatively along the side of her throat. When her hands began to reach for something a bit more steady to hold on to, her palms contacted heated skin that tensed while he issued a ragged whisper, 

"Quistis…this is your only chance. If you don't pull away, I won't have the will to stop. Not this time." 

Her fingertips tested the heated plains of his chest hesitantly, feeling the slight tremble from his own body as she continued to lightly caress. 

"Isn't this what love does to two people? Make them want to share their heart in every way possible, throwing intentions out the window?" 

She wasn't sure if that came out right but it wasn't moments later that his gaze captured her again, the startled impact of her words sinking past a passionate haze that further fueled courage enough for her to clarify. 

"I've loved you since the moment I saw you. Don't ask me why it took me this long to say it, but I'm telling you now." 

Another stretch of silence literally unnerved her when words of his own didn't follow. 

"Speechless again? Tell you what, you go on over and take a seat and I'll get you a glass of water or something stronger for 'shock purposes'." 

She tried to pull away gently, while her thoughts lingered that she might of botched up this whole situation. But then moments later his husky voice whispered, 

"Say that again." 

Staring up into the fathomless depths of his gaze once more, she asked cautiously, 

"About falling in love with you, or that you look like you need a glass of…" 

One hand released folds of blanket so that fingertips gently pressed against her lips putting her words to an end.

"I've waited all my life to hear those words Quistis, and it felt like forever hoping they'd came from you. I just needed a minute to make sure I wasn't dreaming." 

Fingertips swirled over her chin, curved along the side of her throat, as she smiled.

"You mean I'm offering you water in your dreams too? Now there's a really sad thought." 

Biting her lip, she tried to reassure herself that the words she longed to hear would come... 

His fingers curled around the nape of her neck, drawing her closer so that lips a fraction away whispered huskily against her's, 

"In my dreams I'm showing you exactly what this little habit of yours drives me to do…" 

Brushing kisses coaxed her into a slow tender temptation that made her heart pound faster and her soul take flight. 

This time when the blanket around her shoulders fluttered away, she was lifted into his arms. 

"Tonight we won't be dreaming Quistis. Tonight I'm going find every possible way I can to express just how much I love you." 

Startled by the impact of his words as well as the swiftness of his actions, it took her a moment to gain her bearings, 

"What did you say?" 

His eyes filled with teasing tenderness that almost too innocently mocked her words moments before. 

"Which part didn't you get Quistis, being in love with you ,or showing you in every possible way?" 

Her eyes misted with emotion as her arms wrapped slowly around his neck 

"Maybe I'm the one that needs that glass of water." 

He murmured huskily against her lips, 

"I think our hearts can handle the shock just fine..."

then kissed her tenderly as he carried her off to her bedroom. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Author's notes:

Geez….i dunno how to end this….This fic already gives me the eyebugs! =_="

Juz scroll down and submit your review okei? ^_^ 

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	8. theacolyte wants to say

Clarifications:

Actually..I don't write that fast, the entire story is done already (except for the last chapter), the only thing is, I wasn't able to divide it into specific chapters (talking about stupidity! ^_^)

Realizations:

- after writing this story, I was able to appreciate the works of Shakespeare. Its just that, his works are completely foreign to me way back then.

- also, I've come to realize that writing stories that exhibits sense with uniqueness can drive you crazy! I tell you really! Take it from me, it nearly turned me to one! Laughing at yourself because you can't find the right terms for that certain sentence. Good thing I was able to control myself lol ^_^

Anywayz….again I want to extend my full gratitude to those people who read and reviewed my work, especially to Quistis88 --- im a big fan of yours u know that! I really like the way you write your stories ^_^

Ja ne

The-[a]colyte


	9. final chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own this ff thing and as well as the characters.

Love within a Diary

Final Chapter

Reaching out blindly to lovingly trace the warmth of him her hand only meets tousled sheets and for long moments it's the only reminder that two hearts soared on a plain of shared enthrallment the night before. As her eyes slowly open however, a long stem rose comes into focus where his head had laid along with a quickly written note. 

_Good morning Quistis, _

_Be back shortly_

_Love,_

_Seifer_

Clearing the hazy sleep from her eyes, Quistis tenderly touched fragile petals wondering where he's gone. 

Slowly her mind begins to remember the sounds of a shower, a lingering kiss, and soft loving words that murmured something about breakfast… 

Understanding that breakfast bars wouldn't quite due for morning fan-fair for two, Quistis mentally begin to list groceries for latter hoping to repay his sweet gesture this evening with dinner. 

It's only minutes after finishing her own shower that she open drawers to dress and both his diary and present catches her eye. With a heavy wave of guilt she remove both, her conscience plaguing her with another lost opportunity last night to confess all. 

Would it make a difference now? 

**_I don't want to lose him. If I tell him this morning, I'd risk just that. _**

****

**_No, it was better to get the diary restored again, find a means of replacing it back in his study, and just never ever mention or read it again. _**

****

Flipping the pages reminiscently, she can't help but scan his words even if it's for the very last time… 

_ "...The last couple of weeks have seemed like years. _

_ After waiting what feels like a lifetime I'm on this plane, on my way to see her. Not being together has only made me realize all the more just how much she means to me. She's become my everything and my every thought. _

_ Every night till now I've called to say goodnight making sure she was getting enough rest, and to make sure she was holding up with the long rehearsals. _

_ With every phone call I found myself wishing I were there to gently massage her aches away so she could rest for the next day. _

_ I Always laid there in bed afterwards, my arms wrapped around my pillow imagining she was here by my side. _

_ In those moments, memories would rush through my body. The smell of her hair. The taste of her lips. The touch of her gentle hand across my arms with her fingertips. _

_ The way she bites her lower lip and smiles at me with that glisten in her eyes. The way her hair falls off her shoulder and slides down her back and all the way to her thighs._

_ The way her cheek rests against my shoulder when she's fallen asleep. The feeling I get when I feel her breathe on my skin when her body presses against mine, with every soft exhale. _

_ The warm wave of longing she brings me when she whispers sweet words. _

_ Even as I sit here in this plane, all I can think of is holding her tight in my arms as soon as I see her. Stroking her hair as she holds my hand close to her heart. _

_ All I want to do is tell my sweet angel how much she's touched my life. How she's touched my soul. Thank her for inspiring me to live my life to its fullest._

_ At times I wonder if she really knows how much she really means to me. Its so easy to sit here and write how I feel but then when she's there in front of me I stubble on words like a child taking their first steps. Expressing my feeling in these pages come so easy... _

_ Maybe if I wrote a song that tells her how much she means. A song that would tell her how beautiful she is and explain all the dreams I have of her. _

_ If there were any way I'd sing those words to her." _

_ Seifer_

Fingers tremble with overwhelmed emotion, knowing how much it meant when he came then. 

Seifer had rushed through the rest of his studio recording time, pushed himself past endurance to move heaven and earth just to be together while Quistis still struggled with the dance tour. 

The same dance company that was offering a permanent lead in next season's tour. 

_He'll be on the road then performing himself come spring._

Taking a breath Quistis pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind, too soon to be caught up in the conflicts of what could arise. 

Her fingers slowly turn the page... 

**A Lifetime to Embrace**

The click of the door closing… footsteps, and her fingers paused on the page she was about to turn. 

It'd only been twenty minutes, hardly enough time for her to prepare herself for what might happen. 

What if his gaze held distance and regret? What if what passed between them last night ruined recapturing what they had shared these past months? 

Her eyes scanned the diary before her, and her worst fear leapt to mind, 

****

**_Will he understand? Forgive me for what I've done?_ **

She betrayed his trust. Even if what happened last night didn't destroy what they'd shared, the likelihood he'd understand held consequences. 

She knew she had to tell him, but she'd rather face the hope of regaining that trust over time rather than realize her actions ruined everything. 

The sound of her bedroom door opening prompted the coward in her into swift action. She dropped the diary and nudged it under the bed. 

"You're awake." 

Her stomach knotted as she tried to decipher any underlying tone. None other than mild disappointment, and she wasn't sure if that was a good sign. 

_Could she trust herself to speak? _

She took a deep breath for courage, then turned to find him just a few feet away. A tray he carried offered a couple of cups of coffee, a few danishes, and endowed another delicate rose. 

"Breakfast?" 

He walked over to the bed, set the tray beside him as he sat down, and reached for her hand. 

"mmm…." He replied with a nod

His touch slowly encompassed her hand, and with a gentled insistence he brought her next to him as he finished, 

"I don't have a clue how much of a bear you can be without you're morning coffee. I wasn't about to take chances." 

That made her smile and the knot she harbored deep inside turned into fluttered warmth. 

He smelled of fresh soap, his clothes were hardly rumpled, and there was an evening's growth of stubble dotting his jaw. 

As her gaze slowly lifted, a slight smile curled those masculine lips that seemed to match the gaze that followed; eyes that held her own that hinted at humor even though they spoke other desires while they trailed her face and lingered at her lips. 

His hand let go of hers to slowly travel up her arm, the light action, a seduction itself as fingertips trailed over her shoulder, along the column of her throat, then played along her chin while his thumb trailed her lips. 

"Better. For a moment I thought you were spoiling for more then just coffee…" 

His mouth bridged the gap between them, the remainder of his words a whispered murmur against hers that made her shiver with anticipation.

"…or this…" 

The tentative brush of his lips tempted her to part her own, when she did, coaxing paths of persuasion mearly teased instead of sating her with the kiss she craved. 

"Seifer…" 

His smokey gaze raised, searched, and saw past the stirred desire his touch provoked, his mouth moved a whisper away from her own.

"There is something, isn't there?" 

She could have denied it; push back all the doubts and fears his words invoked just to lose herself to the passion play of his caress, his kiss… 

Last night had changed so many things between them. She had given her heart so completely that it would have been impossible for him not to pick up on the inner chaos she still felt. 

Her throat constricted, but the surge of emotional guilt urged her to confess, 

"Seifer I…" 

It was so hard to keep her stare locked with his. How could she face his reaction when her heart wouldn't stop pounding its argument to keep silent or lose everything she ever loved. She tried to turn away. 

He wouldn't let her. 

His hand gently stayed her face. Again his gaze probed, this time searching for the words she hadn't yet spoken. Before his questing stare found a way to her soul, she managed to pull away before courage failed altogether. 

She eased away from the bed, moved a few steps further from him, and took a deep breath. 

"I don't want to hurt you." 

The silence that lingered was heavy, charged, but short-lived.

"Do you regret last night, Quistis?" 

_Stupid…stupid…stupid _- of course that'd be the first conclusion he'd jump to. Hastily she denied it. 

"No…" 

"You want to take back the words then?" 

He couldn't be serious. Did he really think she was practiced enough to share her soul with him if it meant nothing? 

She was about to ask him that very question, only when she turned to face him her answer stared right back at her. Every ounce of body language dared her to give it her best shot - he'd never believe her. With a slight smile he finished, 

"Good, just so both of us know you'd make a lousy poker player." 

If he was trying his best to humor her, he succeeded, however it didn't deter her from the seriousness of the matter.

"Seifer, just hear me out." 

"It's our careers then?," 

He stood as he continued; began to bridging the distance between them, 

"Quistis, even if you were living at the South Pole teaching Penguins to tap-dance, and I was at the North Pole giving singing lessons to Santa's elves, we'd still make things work. Nothing's impossible if we love each other." 

Even though that had nothing to do with her confession, he had hit a major issue she knew they'd eventually have to discuss. 

"But last night you said…" 

"-what we did wouldn't change anything. I won't ask you to give up what you love doing just because we committed ourselves, that's what I meant. We love each other, no matter what, we'll make this work." 

He was close enough to touch. If she just took a step forward, she'd be able to lean into him, feel his strength, borrow his resolve, and believe in the hope he so easily offered. 

She couldn't give into that temptation, the warmth of his arms would melt any courage she had left. She moved around him and walked towards the bed. 

"No matter what?" 

Her bare foot crept just beneath the bed where it felt and grasped the corner of his diary. Slowly she slid it out into view, then walked to the far end of the bed, sat, and waited for the inevitable. 

Silence stretched for long moments she could hardly bear. 

What would she say? She couldn't help herself? 

As if that was going to make all the difference in the world. She could have blamed her insecurities at first, but it didn't explain why she hadn't returned his diary after the fact of knowing how he felt about her. 

She heard the tray's light clatter, and a quick glance confirmed it being placed off the bed, out of the way. A few moments more and the bed shifted under her while warm arms from behind circle around her to gently pull her against him. 

His voice was hushed, "How much have you read?" 

It was the last thing she expected; she'd read his innermost thoughts and dreams, discovered his most private feelings - and he was …he was _holding her_…and she wasn't sure what to make of it. 

"The night of the party I wandered into your study; I came across it when browsing some of the books on your desk. I didn't know what it was until I started reading," 

"How much have you read, Quistis?" 

Again those words, hushed, with no hint of conviction swirled near her ear. Goodness, her resolve to stay just as she was, was the hardest thing to manage. All she had to do was lean her head back and gaze into his eyes to convey the regret of her actions, but she couldn't, if she dared she wouldn't be able to face the hurt there was to see. 

"Everything." 

Taking a deep breath she tried to explain how his written passages had woven an inescapable calamity of events. 

"You almost caught me twice at the party. I dropped it under your desk when I heard you come in, and latter when I went to put it back, I slipped it in my friends purse so you wouldn't catch me again." 

"Ah…the perpetual missing earring. No wonder you seemed…out of sorts." 

There was a trace of humor in his voice but nothing that discouraged her from explaining further. 

"I put it back on our first date - we had just been at the coffee shop, you had gotten a phone call when we arrived at your apartment, and you asked me to find some songs in your desk, remember?" 

"Hmm..hmm. I'd been writing on stationary for a time because I knew it wasn't there." 

Something in his statement made her pause, but her mind conveyed the play on words 'knew' was probably meant in the same retrospect as 'couldn't find'. She ignored his slip up and continued. 

"Everything would have been fine if I hadn't taken another peek at it on your birthday. Time just got away from me while I was cooking dinner, and the next thing I knew your diary was on the floor covered in pasta sauce and dinner was ruined." 

She tried to pull away from his arms, but he wouldn't have that, and she wasn't sure what to make of it as she finished, 

"Right before you came in I'd been on the phone with an antique shop I visited earlier. When they said they may be able to fix the damage, I pocketed the diary again. I should've told you when you walked into all that mess but I couldn't bring myself to. I've…I've had it these past days." 

"I see." 

I see? She'd read his innermost thoughts and dreams, gloried in his most private feelings - and all he could say is I see?

"I made up my mind to tell you last night when you surprised me, but I…we…" 

She felt his arms slowly propel her back, and in the next few moments she was laying on her bed, him above her, arms still entrapping her loosely,

"--got sidetracked?" 

It was on the verge of reaction to slip away from his arms, to avoid everything she knew she couldn't face in his eyes, but instead she found herself marveling at the man above her whose expression spoke volumes. The smokey depths of his expression conveyed understanding, compassion…_knowledge_. 

"_You knew_." 

His gaze made a study of her face, and for long moments he seemed to consciencely make an effort to gather his thoughts. 

"The night of the party I glimpsed you reading it before you dropped it under the desk, and then last night I caught you in the chair before I surprised you with popcorn." 

"And you said nothing? I - was _reading_ you're diary, and all this time you knew?" 

Now she understood why he was holding her, not for the emotional support, but to keep her from running away from him when she finally realized what he deliberately set into motion. 

There was something about the way he avoided her stare as he answered, 

"Quistis, its not what you think." 

"Let me up."

Her words didn't hold much conviction because even as she recognized his intent, it was her own free will that'd gotten her into this mess. 

So he placed his diary where she could find it -- he couldn't have been sure she'd actually read it. Besides, there was so much of himself within those pages; she knew it wasn't filled with made-up passages just for the sake of sleeping with her. 

Every page came from the heart. Still, it'd been intentional she'd read his diary, a sort of manipulation she played into and she didn't know why. 

A part of her hoped he'd stay right there, explain, and make everything right. Instead, he complied with her request, moved off the bed, and she was lost. What ever she expected to happen probably wouldn't, and for the love of God, she didn't want it to end this way. 

Fine, he left his diary out for her to read - for whatever the reason. If she searched deep down in her soul she could figure out the reason -- but couldn't he explain? Didn't he realize just how much her heart hoped it was for the right reasons instead of possible motives? 

She sat up preoccupied in thoughts about what more she could say in order for him to justify his actions. Maybe she'd never know if all this spoke of a selfless or selfish act, but could she live with that? 

One thing was for sure, she needed time to think more clearly—

_"Where is he? I've searched a long time, and though I hear him calling out to me, I can't find him. Is he a phantom, a figment of my imagination? Why do I hope to see his face in ever man I see, only to be rejected because I feel too much, love to deeply? _

_I know he's there, beyond my reach, my heart reassuring me that this time it will be him because I still need to believe…" _

The words the soft hushed tones of his voice tripped along hit with such impact, her entire being nearly lost the rest of her composer. She looked up, saw him standing by the window; sunlight filtering against a warn lose-leaf paper he held in his hands. 

_How had he…?_

_"Is it so much to ask to love and be loved? Aren't we all meant for someone to share our lives with? Then why can't I have this? What do I have to sacrifice, what do I have to do that I haven't done to obtain it?" _

"Seifer…please..." 

She wanted to say stop, for goodness sake, because she wasn't sure just how much she could take. However, she couldn't get anything more past the constricted wave of emotion she felt. 

It was enough to make him pause. His eyes met hers for a brief moment, and sincere longing spoke volumes of how hard he was fighting the urge to come over where she was, take her into his arms -- and this time -- love her with all the feelings running rampant within him. 

His stare remained fixed with hers as she witnessed his silent debate. 

She caught her breath; tried to still the beating of her heart, and just accepted the fact it was beyond her comprehension how this man could make her feel every spectrum of emotion in just a short span of time. 

He began to fold the letter as he slowly came towards her, his decision made. More then that though, he finished reciting her words, and it took a moment to realize he did it by memory. 

"_I long for a touch, a word, a heart to beat beside my own, that's all. Someone I can share my life with. Someone that longs for me; that's searching for me as hard as I am for him. _

_Show me where he is God, I implore you. Complete me, fill this space within and bring him to me. Let me know that its him, the one I've been searching for all my life._

_Let me love and be loved. This is my wish, my prayer_." 

Goodness, she couldn't find any words, couldn't make sense of all the emotions that were running rampant within her except that she wanted to grab the blanket from the bed and hide right under it until she could come to grips he'd actually had her written prayer and read it out loud. 

It was on the very tip of her tongue to deny she ever wrote those words, a reflex action that was meant to protect whatever he had to say, or anyone that would have found that wishful prayer for love. 

She could always say the letter was the result of a weak moment, but he was watching her so intently with that slight expectant smile on his face, that anything she'd say would just be on behalf of masking the embarrassment she was feeling besides everything else. 

Taking a deep breath, she looked up at her bedroom ceiling and mentally implored some divine guidance to intercede. However that wasn't going to happen because the corner of her eye caught his actions. He was kneeling down before her, and by the weight of something that was placed in her lap, she knew it wasn't her written prayer. 

She bit her lip and looked down at his diary. 

The feel of his fingertips that brushed the side of her hair and tucked it behind her ear was the only preliminary touch that prepared her for the warmth of his palm that gently cupped her cheek and brought her eyes to his.

"That night it was raining after rehearsal. I tried to act like I'd lost something when we were outside. I didn't want it to seem obvious I'd been looking for you. This fell out of your purse when you were struggling to open your umbrella. You didn't notice, so I pretended it was the thing I lost." 

_ …I persuaded myself to pass by slowly on the pretence of searching for something. _

_ Well, I found what I was looking for, as happy as a young man could have been right then… _

When she'd read those words she hadn't realized till now what a double entry they'd been. She remembered him searching the ground pretending he lost something only to pocket latter what he mislead her to believe was a song he wrote. 

It was her letter. 

"I was already in love with you then, but I didn't know what to do about it. This…"

he held up the folded loose-leaf written prayer between them with his other hand, 

"This gave me the courage, Quistis, to find a way to show you my heart was yours all along." 

_ ... I sit here and begin to think about her. How I wish she were here right now. How relieved I was to hear her say she could see the true romantic in me. If only she knew how I feel about her, but I do not have the courage to tell her. So I try to put my feelings on paper, then if ever I have the strength I will give it to her…_

The first excerpt she read from his diary lingered in her minds eye as revelation dawned. It all made sense now. He had found her words, and it had prompted him to take a leap of faith so she could see how much he really cared. 

"I think I'm gonna cry." 

It was the only thing she could think of saying at the time as she witnessed her whole world in his eyes laid bare for her to see. 

"No you're not." 

He said softly, the breath of his words caressing her face as he moved nearer and set aside his diary and her letter from between them,

"You're going to kiss me, I'm going to make love to you, we'll get married, have kids, and wind up telling our kids the story of how the ballerina and the musician fell in love." 

She wasn't sure if she could fight off the wave of emotional tears any longer. 

"I am? We are…?" 

He moved forward, and before she knew it, she was tumbled back on the bed. With a few quick motions he followed above her, his arms blocking her from any ideas of rolling away. 

The heat of his contours slowly fit against hers, the warmth of his stirring breath descend closer to her mouth, and as his own began to bridge the gap between them; the striking emotion he conveyed in the last few words he communicated soul to soul were, 

"Everything's possible when you're in love." 

His kiss was gentle and stirring, lovingly insistent, and a reflection of everything she ever prayed and wished for. HE completed her. She loved and was loved. There was nothing more to think of that could keep this from being. 

And as his kisses deepened into sweet intoxication her last thoughts drifted away on a cloud of anticipated loving excerpts to read, and a lifetime of loving thank you notes to prays returned. 

******THE END******

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Author's notes:

Finally! What do you think about the ending part? I juz can't think of any possible scenes to happen back there…oh well…I hope you like it though ^_^

See of all this time, Seifer knew Quistis was actually reading his diary! Tsk! If I were Quistis I would punch him! oh well…you wouldn't do that to the one you love most right…..sigh…love really conquers all…


End file.
